


Through the Wilderness

by aspookycryptidsock



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: First Time, Food Puns, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Magic, Unicorns, unbearable softness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 06:11:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16402793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspookycryptidsock/pseuds/aspookycryptidsock
Summary: "Steven, that was a horse, it was not a unicorn because unicorns don't exist. Can we please focus on the much larger problem at hand here? We are lost in the Irish countryside with no food, dead phones, and the only person we've seen for hours was a creepy lady in a cart. A cart, Steven. Don't focus on what the crazy cart lady told you, focus on the fact that if we're lost for much longer it won't matter if it was a unicorn or not because I'm gonna find it and I'm gonna eat the fucking horse!""Whoa," Steven says. "That is the most I've ever heard you modulate your voice, you're really freaked out, huh?"





	Through the Wilderness

**Author's Note:**

> This is vaguely influenced by The Last Unicorn, but not enough that I wanted to tag it as such and really confuse and disappoint any The Last Unicorn fans. It's also very much influenced by the fact that "virgins can see unicorns!" as a trope has sadly fallen by the wayside, and I am being the change I want to see.

"I really don't feel like this is the right way," Andrew says for what feels like the tenth time in an hour. 

"I'm using the GPS," Steven says. "It's just really rural, it's part of the charm."

"There's rural and then there's so far out that we haven't seen civilization for thirty minutes. What does Adam say?"

"Adam's still complaining about taking two cars and saying that you're a traitor, but that might be because you took my side," Steven says, grinning huge and happy. "At least that's what he said an hour ago when we pit stopped, I haven't texted him because I'm a responsible driver."

Gosh, Andrew would hate him if he didn't love him so much.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to get in a wreck with no one," Andrew says, staring the green rolling hills as far as the eye can see on either side of the road. The Irish countryside is beautiful, but there sure is a lot of it.

Adam's never going to let him hear the end of agreeing to let Steven rent a truly absurd-looking sports car in addition to their normal, practical rental, but he'd just been so excited about it. It's a bright, hideous yellow and Steven keeps talking about how fast it goes even though he hasn't taken it above 60 yet. 

It's a two seater, and Adam had raised a pointed eyebrow when Steven grabbed Andrew's hand and pulled him toward it immediately and without question, but whatever. The Irish Buzzfeed crew are awesome and welcoming and they're going to switch on the way back from the restaurant anyway so they can film the wrap up.

They're headed to a literal mom and pop place that makes traditional Irish stew with a recipe so secret it's been handed down through four generations. Real slice of life, homey stuff. They are admittedly only in Ireland because Steven had asked Andrew where he wanted to go and then pitched a stew episode to make that happen, but still. It's pretty exciting stuff. He hasn't eaten all day in preparation, which is starting to bite him in the ass.

"Steven, are you absolutely  _ sure _ this is the right way?" he asks gently. "They said it would be a 40 minute drive and we've been on the road for an hour."

"I mean, the GPS says so?" Steven replies. He does not sound particularly confident, and Andrew sighs and grabs his phone to call Adam.

"What do you mean emergency calls only?" Andrew mutters at the screen. "Steven, let me see your phone."

"Just a sec," Steven says. "Look, there's trees! They said it was by a forest, right? Maybe we're here!" 

Andrew sincerely hopes he's right, because that's the exact second that the car chooses to sputter ominously to a stop.

-

They are, not to put too fine a point on it, in a predicament. A quandary. A jam. A real pickle.

They're fucked. The car won't start and Andrew has used every bit of his very limited car knowledge to try to fix it while Steven babbles endlessly about how appreciating how pretty cars are didn't translate to knowing anything about how to fix them. Neither of them has service. Steven's GPS is just pointing them helpfully down the same road. They're now walking sadly down that road in hopes of finding something or someone, somewhere. 

It's starting to feel like the beginning of a horror movie, if Andrew's being honest, and here he is with an actual virgin. Steven is the final girl, and Andrew's a fucking goner. 

He glares at Steven's back. His stupid, broad-shouldered back. He's going to die heroically to save Steven from certain death, he just knows it. Maybe he'll throw himself in front of a chainsaw, or offer himself up to some ancient evil. It all depends on what kind of horror movie it is, really. He at least hopes it's not too self-referential. Maybe something original. Plant zombies? Ent zombies? There's so much green and so many trees around. 

It really is pretty, and Andrew would be enjoying the sights much more if he wasn't hungry and grumpy and lost and so gone over Steven that he's fantasizing about sacrificing himself for him. Why can't they be in a rom com instead? He saw one set in Ireland once but mostly he just remembers staring at Amy Adams the entire time, and Steven Lim is no Amy Adams. If anyone gets to be Amy Adams, it's Andrew. 

Andrew's so lost in trying to remember the name of that movie and who the hell the male lead had been that he walks straight into Steven's back and stumbles when Steven pulls to a sudden stop.

"Did you hear that?" he asks, reaching out to steady Andrew and then leaving his fingers wrapped around Andrew's arm for no apparent reason. 

"No," Andrew says honestly. "Was it my stomach?"

"No, shh," Steven says, taking a step back and closer to Andrew's side. He's standing in front of him, like  _ Andrew's  _ the final girl. It makes him want to blush, which in turn makes him want to throw himself at the feet of whatever is coming to kill them even more. Blushing. Jesus, maybe it is a rom com. 

Eventually Andrew hears what Steven's weird super-sonic hearing picked up a minute ago. It sounds like a car, but not quite. Subtle vibrations, and then squeaking, and then the neigh of a horse, and then an honest-to-god cart crests one of the hills in front of them. A cart being pulled by a horse and driven by what Andrew can only describe as every stereotypical wise old crone character he's ever seen. He's so taken aback that he doesn't even realize this might mean rescue until Steven steps out into the middle of the road and starts to wave his arms, as if the woman would miss two idiots standing on the side of the road gawking at her.

The cart slows. As she draws closer Andrew gets a better look. She's old, her skin thin and papery, her long hair wispy and white, falling across her face from under a pointed brown cap. The cart has a lantern hanging from it, and a small window, and there are strange rumbling noises coming from within. Andrew makes to grab for Steven and pull him back because for some reason he is feeling thoroughly creeped out here, but it's too late. Steven's beaming at her and trotting over, giving her a little bow. It's incredibly charming, but she doesn't even crack a smile, and okay. That settles it. She's definitely the villain in this horror movie. Who doesn't smile back at  _ Steven _ ? 

"Hello ma'am, I'm so relieved to see you!" Steven says brightly. "My friend and I are looking for Donnelly's Stew Pot? Our car broke down a way back and our phones don't have any service, do you know how close we are?"

The woman says nothing, just looks at Steven's face consideringly. Andrew's feet start moving before his brain catches up with them, hurrying over to Steven despite how creepy he finds this entire situation. He knew he was going to pull this shit. He called it. Sometimes Andrew hates being such a self-aware person. It's much more fun when you believe your own bullshit, but here he is, ready to get run over by a cart full of monsters. Or maybe cursed?  This lady looks like she could do some cursing. 

"We're just going to go," he says, firm but polite as he wraps an arm around Steven's waist and tries to pull him away. 

"Wait!" The woman speaks suddenly, startling them both, and then she reaches out with one long, painfully gnarled finger and swipes it across Steven's forehead. "I can't believe it," she says, low and reverent. "So rare these days, to find one." She traces her finger down Steven's nose, his chin, his neck, to settle over his heart. 

"This one," she says, her voice suddenly harsh and commanding. There's a weird noise from the back of the cart, and Andrew takes an instinctive step backward, taking Steven with him. 

"Um?" Steven says.

"Yeah, no," Andrew talks over him, wrapping his arm around Steven more tightly and pulling him back. "We're just going to be going, now, okay? Sorry to bother you, ma'am."

"Go or do not go," she says, shrugging. Her eyes look suddenly sharp and knowing, fixed on Steven. "She'll find you. She'll always find you."

Andrew feels Steven shiver against him, and he yanks off his scarf and wraps it around Steven without thinking before he realizes Steven's most likely not shivering from the cold. He steps in closer and wraps both of his arms around Steven's waist as the woman pulls away, leaving a cloud of dust and a vague sense of foreboding in her wake. Steven sinks against him, and they both watch until the cart is far enough away that it's barely a speck on the horizon.

-

"So that happened, right?" Steven asks a while later. They've mostly been walking in silence, sticking close enough now to almost constantly bump their shoulders together.

"Either it happened or we're both hungry enough that we're having shared delusions," Andrew says. He still can't decide what to think about that particular weirdness, and right now he's got more practical things on his mind — like the fact that they are lost and hungry and Steven is visibly shaken up by the entire thing.

"Can we sit down for a second?" Steven asks, tugging at Andrew's arm. "Maybe if we just sit down for a bit Adam will ride in heroically on a white horse and save us."

"Yeah," Andrew snorts. "Adam on a horse is quite the mental image. C'mon, let's sit over here." He leads Steven to the side of the road where there's a patch of shorter grass, and he strips off his coat and lays it down. Steven's really particular about his clothes, and Andrew knows he loves the coat he's wearing.

"You're going to freeze," Steven says, but he's grinning at Andrew in that way that Andrew can barely look at sometimes, and his coat getting grass stains is definitely an acceptable loss if it gets him that look.

"We'll huddle for warmth," Andrew says, and mentally high fives himself.  _ That was pretty smooth, Ilnyckyj. _ Steven grins and pulls Andrew down against his side, unwrapping Andrew's scarf from around his neck and draping it back around him. It smells like Steven now, and Andrew tries his very best not to just bury his face in it. He's only kind of successful, but if Steven notices he doesn't call him on it.

"Can you imagine Adam on a horse, though?" Andrew asks when the silence goes from comfortable to heavy the way it does when Steven's particularly upset about something. "He'd be trying to figure out how to hold the reins and a camera and the sound equipment all at once.

"Plus, imagine if he was in armor?" Steven adds, perking up. "Do you think they'd make him a helmet with a little beard on it?"

"Oh man," Andrew says. "Oh man, I hope so but I guess we'll never know, there's a distinct lack of any livestock around here. Not even a stray cat."

"Do you just look for stray cats wherever you go?" Steven asks, grinning at him.

"What, you don't? You are missing out, man."

"Missing out on rabies maybe," Steven says, raising an eyebrow at Andrew.

"Cats love me. They'd never give me rabies. We have a deal," Andrew says, hating how much he likes it when Steven rolls his eyes at him. He clears his throat and stands up, looking around in a circle for something to do.

"Uh, Andrew?" Steven asks. 

"Just taking it in," he says, his face still half buried in the scarf now that he's not near Steven anymore. "No livestock means no people means we're probably not going the right way, but we're long past late and into oh shit. They'll come for us soon enough."

"Andrew," Steven says, more firmly. 

"Steven, don't worry," he says, trying to sound more calm than he feels. "We'll just hunker down. I can make a fire if I can some dry wood somewhere. If not, hey, more cuddles?" He finally looks down, expecting to see Steven smiling up at him, but instead he's staring straight ahead, his mouth gaped open. 

"What," Andrew says slowly as he follows Steven's eye line, "the fuck."

There's a horse. A big, white horse that not been there a mere few seconds ago, in the field across from them, staring straight at them and walking slowly forward. 

"Do you see that?" Steven asks, low and awed. 

"Yeah, it's a horse," Andrew says. "Too bad Adam's not on it, but man, what are the odds?"

"No, Andrew, I mean. Do you  _ see _ it?" Steven can't seem to take his eyes off it, and the horse can't take its eyes off of Steven. It's not that Andrew doesn't relate, but they did just meet a creepy maybe-witch in a cart, so he doesn't want to take any chances on enchanted killer horses. 

"I see it, but let's go," he says, hauling Steven up and grabbing his jacket off the ground. "There might be more, and more horses mean people, and people mean phones."

"No, but Andrew, it's a  _ freaking unicorn _ ," Steven snaps, turning to face him. "I feel like I'm crazy, am I crazy? Look at it!" He turns, pointing, and Andrew watches his face fall before he looks and sees… nothing. No horse, and no sign of the horse even though it's a pretty open field with nowhere to hide. It's like it just disappeared.

Maybe they're in some kind of weird fantasy movie instead, because none of this makes any damn sense.

"You're hungry," Andrew says, as gently as he can manage. "We're both hungry and tired and lost and stressed. You're not crazy, just out of it. Low blood sugar does strange things to people."

"I know what I saw," Steven says, sounding more annoyed than he usually lets himself show. "She said it. She said it would find me, and it did. A unicorn, Andrew. A  _ unicorn _ ." Steven's starting to sound a little hysterical, which is not ideal. 

"Look, let's just walk a bit more," Andrew says. "Whatever it was, it's not there now, so there's no need to sit here arguing about it."

"There's no need to argue about it because I know what I saw," Steven says, and he's pouting. Fucking pouting. For some reason it's the last straw because it both annoys him and makes Andrew want to kiss the pout right off of Steven's face and now is not the time and really not the place. 

"Steven, that was a horse, it was not a unicorn because unicorns don't exist. Can we please focus on the much larger problem at hand here? We are lost in the Irish countryside with no food, dead phones, and the only person we've seen for hours was a creepy lady in a cart. A  _ cart _ , Steven. Don't focus on what the crazy cart lady told you, focus on the fact that if we're lost for much longer it won't matter if it was a unicorn or not because I'm gonna find it and I'm gonna eat the fucking horse!"

"Whoa," Steven says. "That is the most I've ever heard you modulate your voice, you're really freaked out, huh?"

Maybe Andrew will just eat Steven, instead, but as he's trying to avoid the images that puts in his head Steven starts walking again, resolutely forward. He's walking in front again, using his long legs to his advantage, and Andrew can tell he's pissed. 

Steven can be pissed all the wants, because Andrew is worried. He was worried before, but if Steven's hallucinating unicorns they might have bigger problems at hand than their immediate situation, so he plants his gaze right between Steven's shoulder blades, sighs, and walks on.

-

"Uh," Steven says about a half an hour later, right as Andrew's about to suggest they just plant themselves on the side of the road and wait. "How serious were you about eating the horse?"

"I don't know, like a five? Again, stop focusing on the horse-" Andrew is interrupted by a very loud neigh, and turns around to see the horse trotting toward them through the foggy field to the left of the dirt road. It really is a beautiful horse. Big, strong. Lots of meat.

"Hi buddy," Steven says softly, holding out his hand. The horse walks in what seems like a pointedly wide circle around Andrew and goes right up to Steven, nosing at his outstretched hand. Steven reaches up to pet it, his eyes wide and sparkling and his face openly, guilelessly full of wonder. Andrew wants to look away and never take his eyes off of Steven again, in equal measure. 

"Andrew do you really not — " Whatever Steven's about to say, he doesn't get to finish it because the horse drops its head and carefully nudges at his hip with its nose.

"Hey, horse, easy there," Andrew says as it keeps pushing and Steven stumbles over the dip in the road and down into the field. 

"Um," Steven says. "I think she wants us to go this way?"

"What, Steven, just. The hallucination horse is not the boss of you," Andrew sighs, hopping down into the field and hurrying after him. "We can't leave the road or we'll die in some bog and then they'll find our perfectly-preserved bodies in a thousand years and we'll be bog people."

"That sounds pretty cool," Steven calls over his shoulder. 

It does sound pretty cool. Andrew sighs, pulls his scarf up higher over his face, and follows Steven, who is now happily walking beside the stupid horse.

-

"I told you this was a bad idea," Andrew grumbles as he follows Steven through what appears to be a never ending series of tightly-packed trees. The horse has disappeared and Andrew has no idea how it managed to between the trees, but Steven refuses to listen to reason and turn back. Andrew will never forgive himself if he lets Steven get lost and die in the woods. This whole  _ being in love with him _ thing is turning out to be even more inconvenient than he expected. 

They've been following the stupid horse for at least thirty minutes now, and he's just starting to get well and truly annoyed when it starts to rain. Just a mist, at first, so light Andrew's not sure if it's rain or fog, and then the first drops start to trickle down through the trees. Great. This is just what he needs. Lost and hungry and hallucinating and  _ wet _ . This is not what he had in mind for their Awesome Irish Adventure, as he and Steven had taken to calling it.

"Steven," Andrew says, as calmly as he can manage. "It's raining."

"I know," Steven says. 

"We're following a hallucination horse into the woods and it's raining. Any thoughts on that?"

"I think it's a unicorn and it's not a hallucination," Steven says, not even bothering to turn around and have a complete mental break to Andrew's  _ face _ , which is extremely rude. Andrew’s about one second away from having his own complete mental break when a loud neigh breaks through the trees and the horse comes trotting back, staring at them and nodding its head forward.

Which is crazy. All of this is crazy. There is no horse, and if there is a horse that just means that they've followed it into the woods for no apparent reason. They're going to get lost here. The small woodland creatures will eat their bodies and moss will cover their bones and maybe one day Hozier will write a song about them. Which would be pretty cool, but it's not cool enough to make Andrew okay with dying, cold and wet and hungry, in the woods. 

Andrew's lost in thought about which one of them would be more open to eating the other to survive when he walks straight into Steven's back. 

"Dude," Steven says, quiet and awed. 

"What?" Andrew asks, peeking around Steven's back, and. Whoa. Dude.

There's a little cottage directly in front of them. It's made of wood, with vines growing up the side and an honest-to-god thatched roof.  It looks like something out of a fairytale, or maybe a Jim Henson movie, and man, what Andrew wouldn't give for puppets instead of weird horse guides right now. The trees grow in a circle around it, like the cottage and grounds were just dropped in from the air, and there's warm light flickering in the windows. 

The horse approaches them, again taking the long way around to get closer to Steven, which Andrew is starting to take personally even if he doesn't strictly believe the horse is real. Animals like him. He's an animal guy. This is clearly a defective horse. It's pushing against Steven's side with its head again, shuffling him toward the cottage, and Steven goes easily, reaching out a shaking hand to pet carefully at its mane. Andrew is vaguely jealous of Steven and the horse both, which makes him even more annoyed at the entire situation. 

Still, he's not going to look a gift cottage in the mouth, especially not if someone there can help them. Usually he'd feel more hesitant, more concerned for their safety. Especially for Steven's safety. Sure, he's annoyed with him, but he has to grudgingly admit that if nothing else the horse got them this far. At the very least they'll be out of the rain, and there aren't exactly any other options.

Andrew grabs for Steven's wrist and stops him from knocking anyway, just in case, pushing Steven behind him and ignoring his huff when Andrew knocks instead.

"You scared her!" Steven hisses, and Andrew turns his head just in time to see the horse disappear into the tree line.

"Hello?" he calls, ignoring Steven in favor of pressing his ear to the door. He can't hear any movement inside, but the lights are on. The place looks ramshackle, but in a cared-for way. He knocks again but there's still no movement inside, and the rain is really starting to come down now. He's looking around the suspiciously well-manicured clearing for a rock when Steven reaches past him and turns the knob. The door swings open and he gives Andrew a very pointed look before walking inside.

"Hello?" Steven calls again, and Andrew hurries in after him just in case someone is lying in wait. He stumbles into  a small, warm one room cottage. There's a bed on one side of the room and a lantern flickering on the small table near the wood-burning stove, but more importantly there's a basket of fruit, a loaf of bread, and some butter sitting out on the table. 

That, more than anything, makes Andrew worried that he actually is hallucinating. It looks straight out of a fairytale, like the second he touches the food it will turn to dust or the evil witch who lives here will pop out and shove them in the oven. He might be mixing up his fairytales, but it doesn't matter because while he's busy catastrophizing, Steven just reaches over and plucks an apple from the bowl. He takes a loud bite.

"Oh my god," he moans, juice dripping down his chin. "This is the best apple I've ever had. Andrew, taste this apple." He holds it out, smiling expectantly, and Andrew has a brief, hysterical thought that maybe they're in a bible story instead, because  _ come on _ . Steven shakes the apple in front of his face, though, and it's not like he would resist even if he wasn't starving, so he grabs a hold of Steven's wrist and leans in. It's delicious, the perfect mixture of tart and sweet, and so juicy that it drips down over his fingers and Steven's wrist. Andrew pulls back quickly before he indulges the urge to lick it up.

"Well?" Steven asks.

"Good apple," Andrew says, because it really is, and then Steven's shrugging off his wet jacket and descending on the bowl of fruit like they haven't eaten in days instead of hours. Andrew rolls his eyes and takes off his jacket, carrying them both over and laying them out near the stove. His clothes are damp, especially his pants, but not damp enough that he wants to be naked in a cabin with Steven when the owner could come back at any moment to no food and naked strangers.

It's just good sense, even if he chafes.

-

"I don't think I've ever had better bread," Steven sighs, tilting back in his chair and rubbing his stomach. 

"Would you say it's  _ bun _ believable?"

"No, because it's not even in the shape of a bun," Steven groans. "At least make the puns make sense."

"We'll make an episode of it," Andrew says, pointedly not staring at where Steven's shirt has ridden up on his belly as he stretches. "Think you can hallucinate a fancier cottage with fancier bread?"

"If this is a hallucination, you're hallucinating it too," Steven points out. "So what does that say about you?

" _Folie a deux_ ," Andrew mumbles, ignoring Steven's curious look. 

"Do you think you can get the fireplace going?" he asks when Andrew doesn't elaborate. "My clothes are so damp and I don't want to sleep in them."

"Sure, I can —  wait, Steven, we're not  _ sleeping _ here."

"Uh, why not?" Steven asks. "It's a cottage with food and warmth and most of all it's a  _ cottage _ . It's raining like crazy outside now, do you really want to go back out in that and wander around in the dark?

They're all excellent points that Andrew will in no way acknowledge.

"What if whoever owns this place comes back and finds you sleeping naked in their bed, full of their bread, huh?" Andrew asks.

"It's like an x-rated Goldilocks," Steven says, giggling. 

"Steven."

"Come on, Andrew. You have to admit that there's something going on here. Even if you think it's some kind of shared hallucination, it's still happening. I don't think our brains are going to have an axe murderer come kill us in our sleep."

"I think this is a bad idea," Andrew tries again. "If someone's looking for us, they're not going to check the middle of the woods in a random cabin. We need to get back to the road."

As if on cue, a loud peal of thunder cracks the sky. It sounds so close that Andrew barely avoids jumping, and Steven falls out of his chair where he'd been tipping it back on two legs.

"Oww," Steven says, rubbing his elbow. The entire cabin lights up bright as lightning strikes. 

"Fine," Andrew sighs. It's definitely a better idea to be indoors if there's lightning, but he's not happy about it.

"See?" Steven asks, not-so-gracefully scrambling up from the floor. "I knew you'd come around!" He starts fiddling with the door of the wood burning stove and Andrew hurries over, gently pushing him away.

"I've got this," he says. "If we're going to sleep in the murder cottage, I'd rather it not burn to the ground around us."

-

Somehow, Andrew has wound up naked in bed with Steven Lim. In all of his various idle fantasies about this moment, it never involved… well, any of this. He's not sure he could have come up with this particular scenario if he'd been paid to, but here he is. Naked and under the very thin blanket on a very small bed in a very small cottage that may or may not exist outside of his own mind.

"Is this weird?" Steven asks, breaking the long silence that's surrounded them ever since they stripped off  to dry their clothes and got into the bed. He's finally turned back around to face Andrew, and it was much easier to take all of this with Steven's back to him.

"Little bit, yeah," Andrew says, which may be the biggest lie he's ever told. "I mean, the horse alone." It works, and Steven smiles and rolls his eyes, smacking at Andrew's shoulder.

"Unicorn," he says, around a yawn. "I'm so tired. That bread was so good. Like a fluffy pillow but for butter."

"You are tired," Andrew says, letting the fondness he's been holding back slip into his voice. "That was not at all up to your usual standard of food similes."

"Gimme a break," Steven says, snuggling deeper into the bed. "Had a long day."

"Yeah," Andrew says, clenching his fist under the blanket to avoid reaching out and brushing Steven's messy hair off his forehead. It's going in every which direction right now, sticking up in spikes and clumps where the rain has wreaked havoc on his hair gel. It's annoyingly adorable, much like most things about him.

"Why don't you go to sleep?" Steven's eyes keep drifting shut and then blinking back open, warm and sleepy and focused on Andrew, and if he moved even an inch they'd be touching. They'd be naked in a bed and touching, and Andrew can only take so much. He can't have another mental break on top of the one he's currently in the middle of. It's just not a productive use of time, for one thing.

"But the axe murderer," Steven mumbles into his pillow.

"I'll keep you safe," Andrew says, glad Steven's eyes are closed so he doesn't see the stupidly open look on his face. "No axe murderers on my watch."

"My hero," Steven says, his voice already heavy with sleep. He shuffles a little closer, and Andrew bites back a gasp when his toes brush Andrew's ankle as he sinks deeper into the bed.

His  _ toes _ . Andrew just got vaguely turned on by the touch of Steven's toes. This is a new personal low.

Steven starts to snore softly almost immediately, and Andrew gives himself exactly thirty seconds to find even that endearing before he starts to judge himself. He reaches out, softly pushing back Steven's hair like he's been dying to do, and he lets his hand linger for just a moment until he winces and scrambles out of the bed. 

Nope. This is entering creep town. He can't spend one more second naked in a bed with Steven, watching him sleep and mooning over him. It's just degrading. 

He needs to get a grip and he needs to get over this, but mostly he needs to put on his underwear. No matter how damp it still happens to be. 

Luckily, he finds his boxers and shirt mostly dry. He’s expecting to feel relieved, but instead he just sits at the table and stares at Steven from across the room instead. It's only marginally less pathetic, and possibly even more creepy. Steven's still naked. He's still naked, and in bed, and Andrew's still right here with him. If this is a hallucination, his brain is one masochistic fuck.

-

> Steven's in the clearing, but it's not raining anymore. It's sunny and everything looks hazy, and the grass is covered with little flowers. He leans down to pick one, smiling, and when he looks back up, the unicorn is there.
> 
> "Hi," he says, softly. "You came back."
> 
> "I did."
> 
> "Um," Steven says. "What the hell?"
> 
> "That's rather rude," the unicorn says, and Steven doesn't know how he knows the unicorn is talking to him, but he does. Just like he knows Andrew is inside of the cottage and is never going to believe him. He just  _ knows _ .
> 
> "Sorry. It's just… you can talk?"
> 
> "Well, you can hear me." The voice is soft and almost musical, and it makes Steven want to curl up in the grass and the flowers and listen forever. 
> 
> "Awesome," Steven says. "Why can't Andrew?"
> 
> "Do you want the true answer, or the pretty one?"
> 
> "I pick truth." Steven always picks truth, he's never been a fan of dares.
> 
> "Patriarchal virginity-fetishizing nonsense," The unicorn says, and the words sound so foreign in her tinkling voice that Steven chokes on air. "Well, you did ask for the truth," she points out, nosing at the ground around the flowers. 
> 
> "So I can see you because I'm a virgin?" Steven asks. 
> 
> "Yes. You can see me, and you can hear me, and you're in danger from me."
> 
> "Danger?" Steven asks. He's never felt danger around her, never felt anything but peace and a certain sense of inevitability that he can't explain.
> 
> "The woman in the cart," The unicorn sighs. "She wants you. It's rare, these days, to find virgins, especially male ones of your age."
> 
> "Hey," Steven says, the familiar defensiveness flaring up in his chest. "It's a choice, and it's  _ my  _ choice and there's-"
> 
> "No," The unicorn says. "There's nothing wrong with it. She wants you because you are what she's not. Innocent. Pure. It's all archaic nonsense, but it doesn't mean it's not true. She wants you, and she's using me to get you. I'm supposed to bring you back. She'll capture you, like she did me, and she'll take what makes you special and imprison you in a creature, a monster."
> 
> "This is… a lot," Steven says, taking a step back, sudden panic rising in his throat.  "I'm going to get Andrew. I need Andrew."
> 
> "You do," The unicorn agrees. "And Steven, you can have him." Steven's confused until a sudden shiver runs down his spine and he flushes, realizing what she means all at once.
> 
> "I don't —  that's not — "
> 
> "It's a choice," she repeats. "It's a choice, and it's your choice, but if you want to make it, you can," she says, gently, trotting closer and ever-so-slowly guiding her horn to rest against Steven's chest. He's frozen in fear, and then frozen in shock when dozens of images flash inside his mind all at once. 
> 
> Andrew, smiling up at him on a shoot, so widely that his eyes crinkle. Andrew, laughing at his dumb jokes, warm in a way that's always settled happily in Steven's chest. Andrew leaning into his side when Steven throws an arm around his shoulder, because he fits there so well. Andrew watching him, his eyes heavy in a way Steven's not used to seeing, a way he usually forces himself to ignore. Andrew opening doors for him and helping him with his coat. Andrew bringing him coffee and food and dumb little gifts. 
> 
> Then he's somehow seeing from outside of his body. He watches Andrew watching him, the way his eyes stray to exposed skin and the way he looks at Steven when Steven can't see him. He watches Andrew smile while he relates a filming story until Annie tells him to stop swooning. He watches Andrew watch him eat, and that one's not new; what  _ is  _ new is that they aren't filming and this time Andrew's blushing. Finally, he sees them in the cabin, sees himself asleep and Andrew pushing back his hair, his hand lingering and his eyes fixed on Steven's mouth, and oh. Oh, wow. No way.
> 
> "No way," he gasps, falling to the ground as the unicorn steps back. His legs don't seem to want to hold him up and his heart's beating so loudly it's roaring in his ears. 
> 
> "It's your choice," she repeats, "but you have to choose. This clearing, this cottage, won't last forever. I can only keep it here so long before she comes looking for me, and I can't protect you then, Steven."
> 
> "This is you?" he asks, but the unicorn is already trotting back toward the forest, her long white tail flicking behind her. "Wait, hey!" Steven calls. He's starting to panic. "Come back! I have questions! You can't just give me sexy magic visions and leave! Come back!"

-

Steven's having a bad dream. Or a good dream. Andrew can't be sure, and he can't dwell on it too much for his own sanity, but when his quiet mumbles turn to whimpers and he starts to thrash, Andrew springs up from the uncomfortable kitchen chair he's been trying to sleep in

"Hey, Steven," Andrew says, reaching down to shake his shoulder, only hesitating a moment before he touches Steven's bare skin. "Wake up, buddy." Steven doesn't respond, and Andrew only feels a tiny bit bad about shaking him harder. "Wake up, Steven, come on." Nothing, and then the whimpers get louder, he thrashes harder, and Andrew maybe panics, just a little bit.

"Steven!" He finally just shouts, right in Steven's face, and thankfully that seems to work. He blinks up at Andrew, brow furrowed. Then he blushes spectacularly, scrambling back from Andrew's grip on his shoulders.

"I'm naked," he says, and his voice is hoarse from sleep.

"You are," Andrew agrees, even though he was trying not to acknowledge that. 

"I had um, I had a dream," he says. 

"I know," Andrew says. "You were really thrashing around, I thought it was a nightmare."

"In a way," Steven says slowly, "it was."

"You wanna put your pants back on and share with the class?" Andrew asks.

"I want to do one of those things," he says, stretching, and Andrew swallows and looks away when the thin blanket falls to his waist, going to gather Steven's clothes.

"Here," he says, setting them down and pointedly turning his back while Steven gets dressed. 

"You okay?" Andrew asks after a while passes in silence. "Can I turn around?"

"If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?" Steven’s voice is small and unsure and very unlike Andrew's used to hearing it. You can say a lot about Steven, but he doesn't lack the ability to at least fake confidence. "Stop!" Steven says when Andrew tries to turn around. 

"Uh, okay?" 

"Don't turn around, please," Steven says. "I don't know if I can ask this if I'm looking at you, and I need to ask you. I need you to answer me, even if the answer is no."

"Steven, what's going on?" Andrew asks. He's starting to get nervous. Steven sounds almost scared now, and Andrew's stupid idiot heart hurts at the thought.

"Are you attracted to me?" Steven says it all in one exhale, and Andrew's so floored that it takes him a second to actually accept that Steven said the words. "Please say something, even if it's no," Steven says, almost a whisper now. "It's okay if it's no."

God, Andrew must have been so obvious. Steven's not the most observant dude around, so he must have been  _ so fucking obvious _ . He wonders how long Steven's known. He mentally catalogs every interaction they've ever had when he's looked too openly, or let a touch linger too long, or been too overt in his flirting, and he can't make his mouth work. Steven's so brave, just putting everything out there, and Andrew can't say  _ anything _ .

"Okay," Steven says. "It's okay, we can forget it. It was stupid anyway, this whole thing is stupid and you're right. Of course you're right." He's babbling now, the way he does when he's embarrassed, and Andrew can see him in the very corner of his vision, pacing the small space from one end of the cabin to the door.

"We'll just wait for the rain to stop and leave, or you can have the bed and I'll sleep on the floor if it doesn't. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I can't believe I let a dream unicorn convince me you had feelings for me. I can't believe — "

Okay, well, that does it.

"Wait, you what?" Andrew asks, turning around whether Steven likes it or not. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Steven says, frozen mid-pace with wide eyes. "It was just a stupid dream, it's nothing."

"Did you ask me that because of the fucking unicorn thing?" Andrew asks, and he's starting to get mad now, even though it's not Steven's fault. He even gets it, kind of. Steven figured out Andrew's very obvious feelings and now he's having a full on freakout about it because of any number of reasons and his brain is manifesting a magical unicorn guide to help him process his feelings. Sure. It makes as much sense as anything else that's happened today.

"She made a good case in the dream," Steven mumbles, looking at the floor. 

"I can't believe this," Andrew laughs, mostly to himself. "I've been pining after you for so long, perfectly content to shut up and not freak you out and a fucking dream unicorn calls me out? Now? While we're lost in the woods in Ireland in a thunderstorm next to the world's smallest bed?"

"What?" Steven asks.

"This is like some kind of torture." Andrew's fully ranting now, working himself up in a way he rarely does, but then again he's rarely in a situation as weird as this, so he's giving himself a pass just this once to completely lose his shit. "At least you put your clothes back on before you humiliated me, small favors, I guess — " 

Steven is kissing him. Steven covered about half the distance of the cabin in what seemed like two steps, and now Steven is kissing him, albeit awkwardly, and Andrew's frozen.

"I'm sorry," Steven says, immediately taking a step back. "I'm sorry, I just thought that —  you really took this the wrong way, is all. I didn't ask because I was uncomfortable. I asked because even when told directly in a dream by my weird unicorn guardian angel, I couldn't believe it."

"There's angels now?" Andrew is, admittedly, focusing on the wrong part.

"Not really, don't worry about it," Steven says, and he's looking down at Andrew intently now, staring at him the way he stares at really good food, like he's trying to stop himself from shoving it all into his mouth at once, and hey. There's a thought that's not helping matters one bit.

"So the kissing, huh?" Andrew asks, and Steven grins at him, a familiar, fond grin that always secretly makes Andrew swoon like an idiot. This is probably a bad idea. No, this is definitely a bad idea, but it's also a bad idea that Andrew thought he'd never get to have.

"Please," Steven says. He's staring at Andrew's mouth now and Andrew can't do anything but reach up for Steven and pull him down. It's not the best angle, and Steven's hesitant in a way that's long since melted away for Andrew when it comes to kissing, but that almost makes it hotter. 

He's also kind of clingy, in the good way. He's got his arms wrapped around Andrew's shoulders and he keeps pressing closer even where there's no closer to get. Steven gasps sweetly against Andrew's mouth when he pulls back and Andrew's teeth scrape at his bottom lip, and fuck. Andrew hasn't gotten this hard from kissing in a while. 

"Can we sit down?" Steven asks, and Andrew find it unbearably cute that Steven's avoiding looking him in the eyes when he asks. "Or lay down, maybe?"

"You sure? We don't have to do anything but kiss, you know?" Andrew asks gently. 

"That's not strictly true, but yes, I'm sure. I'm very sure," Steven says, and Andrew almost lets himself be tugged down to the bed before his brain catches up with his dick.

"Wait a minute," he says, pulling away from where Steven's tugging at his wrist. "What do you mean it's not true?"

"It's not —  I want to," Steven says, standing back up to kiss him again. It almost works, but Steven's hands are shaking when they slide down Andrew's back, and shit. Andrew wants him, but not like this.

"Steven," he gasps, forcing himself back from the kiss. "Please tell me you're not trying to have sex with me because you had some weird smut dream about the unicorn telling you to fuck me."

"I'm not!" Steven protests immediately. "I mean, I might be, but not really?"

"This has been without a doubt the weirdest day of my fucking life," Andrew grumbles, taking a step back because he can't think with Steven so close. 

"What I mean is, I've wanted this. For a while. I just didn't think I could have it." Steven sounds heartbreakingly vulnerable, and against his better judgement Andrew climbs onto the bed and pulls Steven down with him. 

"So the unicorn sex dream was some sort of very specific catalyst?" he asks once he's got Steven settled against his chest. 

"Yeah, I guess so," Steven says, cuddling closer and throwing a leg over Andrew's. He tries his best not to tense up with Steven's thigh so close to where he's still annoyingly half hard. "Although that makes it sound like I had a sex dream about the unicorn. She just showed me, you know? That you wanted it too, and then she told me that —  " he pauses for a minute, his hand gripping tightly at the fabric of Andrew's shirt. 

"Steven, look, we're pretty firmly in the thick of whatever's going on at this point right? Hallucination or shared mental breakdown or weird unicorn magic,  _ whatever _ . I doubt anything you say is going to be weirder than a unicorn telling you to have sex with me. Spit it out," he finishes, kissing Steven's head. 

"Well, the unicorn told me the woman in the cart wants to steal my innocence because I'm a virgin and turn me into some kind of monster in her travelling collection, and she was supposed to bring me back to the woman but instead she created this magic cottage for us to have sex in so I can be saved from her evil clutches," Steven says matter-of-factly. "So, are you still sure about that?"

"My head hurts," Andrew says, because it's the first thing that comes to mind. 

"You're not even the one having weird unicorn dreams, you big baby," Steven says, but he slides up Andrew's body and presses soft kisses to Andrew's temples and the bridge of his nose. It's so sweet that Andrew would judge anyone else for doing it, but instead he's just helplessly charmed.

"Are you sure you want this because you want it, and not because you're afraid of being virgin-napped? I promise to protect you from any frail old ladies trying to fetishize your bodily autonomy, no sex required." Steven smiles at him shyly, but Andrew stills Steven with a grip on his jaw when he tries to go for a kiss. "I mean it. I want this, Steven, but I don't want it if you're only doing it because you're scared."

"I'm not scared," Steven says, turning his face in Andrew's grip to press a kiss to his palm. "I mean I am, kind of, but more nervous. Nervous and really, really turned on." The last part comes out almost in a whine, and Steven's straining in his grip to get as his mouth and you know what? Fuck it. If a weird unicorn metaphor is what it takes for Steven to admit what he wants, Andrew's going to roll with it.  

"Well, c'mon then," Andrew says, sliding his hand from Steven's jaw into his hair and angling his mouth down. "Let's save you from the evil witch."

"I don't know if she's actually a witch, that part wasn't clear, but — "

"Steven?" 

"Right," Steven says, and then he's surging forward, kissing Andrew deep and desperate and rolling onto his back, pulling Andrew on top of him. Andrew's had so many idle, sexy thoughts about Steven under him, but they never involved Steven this frantic. He's _ shivering _ beneath Andrew's body, his hands digging into Andrew's back so hard it hurts and his hips starting to twitch forward. It's all very hot and very overwhelming and very much too soon.

"Steven, sweetheart, slow down," Andrew says into his ear, and he was hoping that would come out much less wrecked than it did. There's only so much of his cool he can keep when Steven's whining beneath him and clumsily grinding against his thigh.

"No," Steven says, his hips getting even more insistent. "You try —  I've waited," he gasps out, " _ so long _ , Andrew."

"Shh, I know," Andrew says, pulling back as much as he can bear to until he can lean down to kiss him. It's desperate and messy at first, which is no surprise, but Andrew just kisses back slow and sweet until Steven starts to match his pace, After a minute or so he can feel Steven relax, feel him settle down against the mattress.

"Andrew,  _ please _ ," he whines when Andrew pulls away from his mouth. "I want —  "

"I know," Andrew says. "I know, and you can have it. Trust me, Steven, fuck, I am — you can have anything you want." Andrew feels like he should possibly be a better person and protest this more, but oh well. No chance.

"So then why are you stopping?" Steven asks, and Andrew feels slightly ashamed about how fucking hot it is to have Steven beneath him, literally begging for it. This is the stuff of Andrew's dirtiest dreams, the kind he has trouble looking Steven in the eye after.

"Logistics," Andrew says, huffing out a laugh. "We only have the clothes we're wearing and I wanted to make sure you were okay with taking them off, brat."

"Oh!" Steven says, sounding surprised. As if the fact that nudity might be a part of what they were doing here was lost on him.

"If you're okay with that," Andrew says, gently. He'd really rather not have to wander around in the woods commando, but he'd do it for Steven. That's what love is.

"Yeah," Steven says, nodding. "Yeah, just. I've never — " he breaks off then, wincing, and flops down against the pillows. "I keep saying that," he groans, throwing an arm over his eyes. "Like you don't know."

"Oh, I know," Andrew says, and he lets every lecherous feeling he's ever had about Steven permeate the words, hoping that Steven gets it.

It's Steven, though, so he does not, in fact, get it. He just squirms a little like he can't help it, and fuck, he probably can't. Andrew's been trying very hard for a very long time not to fetishize Steven Lim's virginity, but he's hoping he gets a pass in this moment since he's literally about to take it. 

"Steven," Andrew finally says, gently linking his fingers with Steven's and pulling his arm away from his eyes. "You do realize that I'm just as nervous here, right?"

"Not possible."

"I'm in —  I have feelings for you, Steven. Gross, mushy romantic feelings, and I care about how this goes. I want to make this good for you," he says, leaning down to kiss at the jut of Steven's jaw because it's right there, taunting him. 

"Will you let me make it good for you?" he asks against Steven's ear, and he's close enough that he hears the little gasp Steven lets out, can feel Steven's pulse start to pound under his lips as Steven reaches down and starts to fumble with Andrew's belt.

"Taking that as a yes?" he asks, giving Steven a look that he hopes is challenging but is probably more open adoration.

"Shut up and help me, your belt is a puzzle," Steven replies, and Andrew laughs and kisses him again, he can't not, before he pulls back and works at his belt. He's got it open and his pants and boxers down to his thighs before the sound of Steven's sharp intake of breath reminds him that he’s trying to ease Steven into this.

"Sorry," he says. "I got carried away and —  oh fuck." Steven's hand is trembling a little, but he's definitely running his outstretched fingers along the length of Andrew's cock. It's not enough to feel like anything but a slight tickle but it is, to put it lightly, the most erotic tickle Andrew has ever felt. 

"Huh," Steven says, wrapping his fingers around Andrew now and  _ squeezing _ , and what the fuck. He's kind of going from virgin to 100 really quick here, not that Andrew particularly minds. He tries to stay still, tries to let Steven touch at his own pace, but then Steven's fingers brush right under the head of Andrew's cock, right where he's sensitive, and his hips jerk forward before he can stop them.

Steven grins up at him, looking pleased with himself, and Andrew groans and leans down to kiss the smug look of of his face. 

"I wasn't done," Steven mumbles against his mouth.

"I almost was," Andrew says. "Which is embarrassing."

"Now you know how I feel."

"No need for you to be embarrassed," Andrew tells him, sliding down Steven's body to get at his jeans. "Trust me, you coming early is a good thing. Gives me more time after to do this the way I want." He smirks up at Steven, and now who's smug?

"What do —  uh, what do you want?" Steven asks, his voice hitching when Andrew pulls his zipper down and starts to work his pants and boxers down his long legs. He ignores Steven for a minute, because, wow.

"Wow," he says, looking Steven up and down as he strips his sweater and undershirt off mostly just to feel Steven's eyes on him. "You are —  I want to say beautiful, are you okay with beautiful?"

"I feel like pale might be more accurate," Steven says, following Andrew's lead and taking off the rest of his clothes, and yes: perfect.

"Perfect," he says, not even trying to hide how he's staring. Steven is pale, pale and flushing pink and long everywhere, and Andrew yanks his pants off of his feet and slides further down the bed, kissing at Steven's ankle because it's in front of his face.

He  _ giggles _ , and Andrew grins against his skin as he trails kisses up the line of Steven's leg until he gets to his thighs and feels them start to shake.

"Okay?" Andrew asks, looking up to find Steven gaping down at him. It should be a very unsexy look, but honestly, it's kind of working for him. A lot about Steven works for him when it shouldn't. 

"Yeah," Steven says, and his voice is so strained. Andrew's pretending like he doesn't notice, but he's right there and Steven is so hard, hard and already shining wet and it almost seems like his cock is straining toward Andrew's mouth and who is he to deny that?

"Can I use my mouth?" he asks. He'd be more blunt but he's not sure how Steven's going to react to the more base version of dirty talk, so he figures he'll play it safe for a while. It turns out to be a good choice when Steven moans and scrambles to get a hand on his cock, squeezing harshly at the base. 

"I'm going to —  I mean you can, I'd love that, I'd very much be okay with that but Andrew, it's not going to take a very long time?"

"I know," he says, pressing a kiss to the jut of Steven's hips. "I know, sweetheart, and that's okay. That's the point, you know." Steven nods jerkily and squeezes his eyes shut, and Andrew wants them open, wants Steven watching him, but he's not going to push. Instead he wraps his hand around Steven's cock and gives him a few strokes, biting back a groan when Steven's hips jerk up to chase his hand. 

"Oh," Steven gasps out. "Oh, god, that's just your hand. Andrew, I might die."

"You won't die," Andrew laughs, pressing a soft kiss to the head of Steven's cock to let him get used to it. 

"I might already be dead," Steven says breathlessly. "This might be heaven."

"I appreciate the compliment," Andrew says, and then he gets a solid grip on Steven's hips and sinks his mouth down around his cock and Steven moans so loud it sounds like it echos.

"Oh, oh, wow, okay," Steven babbles, reaching down to hold onto Andrew's shoulders. Andrew can feel how tense his hips are under his hands, can feel how badly Steven wants to thrust up, and he pushes himself, taking more of Steven's cock in. He groans at the weight of it, so long and heavy in his mouth, and none of his filthy, degenerate dreams about Steven even came close to the reality of this. 

"I'm going to —  Andrew," Steven whines, pushing at his shoulder. Andrew remains resolutely in place, sucking harder, and Steven starts to  _ shiver _ . "I'm sorry, I can't —  " he grits out, and then he's coming and Andrew's swallowing him down, keeping his mouth on Steven until he's squirming and panting and pushing him away.

"Taste good," Andrew tells him as he slides up Steven's body. Steven blushes, as predicted, an he also immediately turns into Andrew's arm and clings to him, burying his face in Andrew's neck. "You okay?" he asks, running his hand up and down the long line of Steven's spine where he's still shaking a little.

"Mmm," Steven says into Andrew's collar bone. "Think I'm having an out-of-body experience."

"Yeah?" Andrew asks, pulling Steven more fully on top of him. "Can you feel this?" He rubs his hands up and down Steven's back. His skin is so soft that Andrew can feel every rough spot on his hands as they glide over it, digging his fingers into the tense spots until Steven starts to relax more and more on top of him, boneless and heavy.

"Mmmhmm."

"What about this?" He moves up to rub Steven's shoulders and the angle is awkward but he doesn't want to move. In fact he's pretty sure he could quite happily stay under a sleepy, post-coital Steven for at least a few days if given the chance. 

"Feel that too," Steven mumbles against his neck, nosing at his jaw. 

"One last test, then," Andrew tells him, stretching his neck to the side for Steven's mouth and sliding his palms down Steven's back to his ass. He does what he's wanted to do for ages now and just grabs him, squeezing. Steven lets out a surprised huff against his neck and his hips jerk forward, grinding against Andrew where he's still so, so hard. 

"Yep," he says shakily. "Definitely feel  _ that _ . Guess I'm still in my body after all." He tentatively rolls his hips forward, and Andrew can feel that he's still half hard. He wants to make a really bad joke about Steven being in  _ his _ body, but more than that he wants to see where this goes, what Steven's going to do.

What Steven's going to do, apparently, is roll his hips down slowly and take his time kissing Andrew's neck until he's found every single spot that works for Andrew, and one he wasn't even aware of. By the time Steven's fully hard again, Andrew's a flushed, panting  _ mess _ . 

He knows his neck must be covered in marks because far be it from him to tell Steven how to live his life. If he wants to bite and suck at Andrew's neck, that's just what's going to happen. It's his first time, after all. It would be rude not to. 

It would also be rude to let him keep clumsily rocking his hips forward. Besides, Andrew's been hard for a long time now and he's going a little stupid with it, so he uses his grip on Steven's ass to guide his hips, showing him how to move. Steven gasps against his ear when they find the right rhythm and start to slide together, and Andrew slides his hands to Steven's hips instead of his ass because he doesn't want to push and god, he wants to touch. 

"Are we —  do you think this counts?" Steven asks shakily.

"Huh?" Andrew asks, not bothering to swallow his disappointed groan when Steven's hips still and he pulls back from Andrew's neck.

"For the whole virginity thing. She said it was archaic, do you think that means, um." He's blushing, and Andrew's in the middle of rolling his eyes about this whole _ unicorns are making me do it _ crap when he realizes what Steven's getting at. 

"Steven, look, you truly believe that a unicorn is trying to save your life via our dicks and she made this cottage magically appear so we could have sex in it, right?"

"It sounds kind of dumb when you put it like that, but yes," Steven says, and he's pouting again, grumpy, but this time Andrew gets to do what he always wants to do when Steven gets like this. He leans up and kisses the furrow between Steven's eyebrows, the tip of his nose, his pouting bottom lip. He's getting distracted. 

"Okay, so, did the unicorn also give us magic lube and magic condoms in the magic cottage?"

"Well," Steven says, his eyes straying to the table, and Andrew chokes out a laugh and smacks a hand over Steven's stupid, beautiful mouth before he can suggest they use butter as lube.

"I'm not fucking you for the first time without it," Andrew says, figuring he can be blunt at this point. "When I fuck you for the first time, there's going to be lube, and condoms, and probably candles because you're cheesy that way and I'm indulgent. It's also going to be back in the states, in one of our homes, and it's not going to be because a make-believe unicorn told me to."

"Ven?" Steven says against his palm. "When?" he repeats once Andrew pulls his hand away. "You want to, I mean? Again?"

"Steven," he says slowly, just to be sure Steven really gets what he's saying here, "there is nothing in the world that would make me happier than having sex with you when you're not insisting it's at the behest of a mythical creature."

Steven gives him a happy, crooked smile, and Andrew leans in and kisses him because he can't help himself. Honestly, he's in this no matter what. If it takes Steven going through a medieval bestiary to justify having sex, he'll work with it, but mostly he wants to get back to the sex part of sex. He kisses Steven deeper, lets his hips start back up and his hands slide back down to Steven's narrow hips. 

"I think it counts," Steven says, pulling back from his mouth with a whine when their cocks start to move against each other again. "It feels like it counts."

"Yeah?" Andrew asks, grinning. "Good, because I would like it to count again as soon as possible."

Steven giggles and presses a kiss to Andrew's mouth before he stretches up, and fuck. Andrew thought he was close before, but seeing Steven on top of him, Steven fucking  _ riding _ him, is a lot. Andrew's not even guiding his hips anymore, just holding on. Steven's a fast learner, and he's rolling his ass back against Andrew's cock now. Andrew reaches out for Steven's cock, stroking him tight and quick because he's not going to last very long like this. 

"Oh, okay, I'm going to come again," Steven says, almost conversationally, like he isn't grinding his ass back on Andrew's cock while he fucks his hand, and it's so absurd and so absurdly hot that Andrew has to kiss him. He has no choice in the matter, and Steven lets out a yelp when Andrew sits up all at once to reach his mouth.

"Hi," Steven says, sounding dazed by the time Andrew's done kissing him.. 

"Hi," he grins back, reaching up with the hand not wrapped around Steven's cock to push his hair back. Steven flushes, his eyes blinking closed and a smile spreading across his face. 

"You did that earlier," he says, sounding almost shy even as his hips start to rock back up into Andrew's hand.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was," he says, which makes no sense at all, but Andrew's distracted by Steven wrapping his arms tight around Andrew's shoulders and pressing in as close as he can get. 

He's close enough now that Andrew's cock is sliding against his ass and his hand is trapped between their bodies as Steven's rocking between them. Andrew can hear his breath catching on a quiet whine every time his cock slides over Steven's ass, and it’s all too much. Andrew's not going to last much longer. 

"Are you close?" he asks, turning his head so he can kiss at Steven's ear. "You gonna come for me, sweetheart?"

Steven  _ whines _ , his body jerking forward against Andrew's, and he does, hot and wet between them and Andrew's not far behind. Steven shivers against him when Andrew's come hits his ass, and it puts about a million images in his head at once, each one of them filthier than the last. His cock twitches weakly, and Andrew lets out an amused huff against Steven's neck.

"Well," he says, "if that doesn't count, someone needs to have a talk with that unicorn."

-

"This is awkward," Steven says later once Andrew's heated up water as best as he can by the wood burning stove. Steven's holding the tea towel that had been on the table, and man, Andrew's actually hoping this  _ is _ a magical sex cabin because he has no idea how to explain using someone's tea towel for post sex cleanup. Well, he does, he'd just really prefer to not do it. 

"It's always a little awkward," Andrew says, grabbing the towel back from a blushing Steven and cleaning off his stomach. "But trust me, you'll glad for it in the morning. Now turn over."

Steven just nods at him, and Andrew can see the flush all down his chest but very pointedly ignores it, just like he ignores the fact that he's currently got his hands on Steven's ass as he cleans him up, and he definitely ignores the way Steven's hips sway backwards into his touch. 

"Okay," he says gruffly, giving his own stomach a quick wipe with the clean side of the towel and then tossing it in the vague direction of the kitchen. "You should put your underwear on now."

"Why?" Steven asks, turning back over. He's half hard again, which is just unnecessary, and what's even worse is that he's grinning at Andrew, the same way he does when he's trying to get away with something. Andrew groans, fishing Steven's boxers off of the ground and tossing them at him.

"That's why," he says. "Not all of us are up for round three, and I won't be seduced."

"Isn’t it sort of late for that? You already were," Steven says, and Andrew may have made a very serious mistake here. A sexually confident Steven is proving to be a dangerous Steven. 

"Yes, very thoroughly," Andrew says, climbing into bed and sinking down into the pillows with a yawn. "Now put on your underwear or no post-coital cuddles for you, and that's one of the best parts." He grins, watching Steven fumble his boxers up his legs so quickly he nearly elbows himself in the face. He's so predictable, and Andrew loves him so much.

"This is okay, I guess," Steven says, flopping down over Andrew's chest. 

"Glad I rocked your world," Andrew says dryly, his eyes drifting shut now that he's got Steven warm and happy and cuddling up next to him.

"You did, you know," Steven says, all the bravado gone from his voice just like that. "I mean, it was good. Better than good. Better than I thought it would ever be. Not that I thought you'd be bad — "

"Shut up," Andrew laughs, blinking his eyes open just enough to find Steven's forehead and press a kiss there. "I know what you mean. Now come on, cuddle me, I'm sleepy."

"Yeah," Steven says, and Andrew smiles into the quick press of his lips. "Can I be the big spoon?"

"You can be whatever spoon you want," Andrew mumbles sleepily as Steven maneuvers him into place and wraps him up. It's nice, and warm, and Andrew's just starting to drift off when he feels Steven's breath rustle his hair.

"Really gotta thank that unicorn."

-

When he wakes up, there's daylight shining so brightly through the windows that Andrew doesn't know how he's managed to sleep through it. Steven grumbles when he starts to stretch, and that's when Andrew realizes that Steven's managed to get both arms and one of his legs around him in the night. He's like a very heavy, warm octopus, and Andrew takes a second to find it utterly endearing before unceremoniously shoving him off.

"Hey!" Steven croaks, glaring at him. He has a pillow crease on his cheek, his hair looks insane, his breath is awful, and Andrew's so in love with him. 

"Morning," he says, leaning down and kissing Steven's cheek. "Literally, it's morning. And it's nice, and there's no rain, and there's no horse, and we're getting out of here."

"This is not the morning after of my dreams, you know," Steven says, pouting again, and he clearly has already realized exactly how easy Andrew is for that, which is dangerous. He doesn't do himself any favors by leaning back in and kissing Steven soundly, but hey. He's a gentleman, and Steven has a point.

"I'll give you a better one when we're not stranded in the wilderness," he promises as he pulls back. "For now all I've got offer is the rest of that bread."

"That'll do," Steven says, before tugging Andrew down onto the bed and hopping off, racing for the table. "Dibs on the apple, too!"

-

Steven moans as he finishes the last of the bread. He  _ moans _ . It's not unusual, Steven's a voracious eater just like he is. Being vaguely turned on by his food moans isn't new for Andrew, but this time he could do something about it. He could say fuck it to any and everything else and pin Steven back down on the bed and spend the entire day with his mouth on him, seeing what kind of noises Steven will make then.

Steven sucks the leftover butter from his fingers, like he knows exactly what Andrew is thinking and is doing it on purpose. Which might be true, come to think of it, in which case he is entirely justified in all of this and can't be blamed if they're missing even longer because of his dick.

"It's good," Steven says, smiling up at him before he sucks another finger into his mouth and Andrew was right. This little shit. His life is going to be torture now, absolute torture, and he's heading across the room to kiss the smug smirk right off of Steven's face when there are three sharp taps at the door.

Steven jumps, almost falling out of his chair again, and Andrew goes into red alert mode. 

"Get behind me," he says, grabbing the lantern off the table. It's not much of a weapon but it will have to do, and Andrew's letting the rush of adrenaline propel to the door when Steven grabs his wrist and tugs,  _ hard _ .

"What are you doing?" he hisses.

"Protecting you! We have no idea who's out there and how mad they're going to be," Andrew says. He'd thought that was pretty obvious, and maybe just a little bit heroic. 

"And you think swinging at their head with a lantern will make them less angry?" Steven says. "We can introduce ourselves. Explain. Apologize."

"Or you can open the door, Steven," a voice calls. It sounds almost like bells, and also sounds like it's in the room with them, maybe even right in his head, and Steven lights up immediately and runs for the door while Andrew's still too confused to stop him.

"You came back!" he says, swinging the door open, and outside is —  outside is a fucking unicorn.

A unicorn. The horse has a horn now, and it's also almost shimmering, like his eyes aren't capable of really focusing on it but still somehow know that it's there. 

Andrew drops the lantern. 

"Rude," the unicorn says, huffing at him. "It took a lot of energy to make that, you know."

Andrew truly can't make his mouth form words. There's a unicorn. He's talking to a unicorn. Well, he's not. He's being talked to by a unicorn, but that's just as insane.

"Come out of there, the both of you," the unicorn says, and Andrew lets Steven shuffle him forward into the clearing. He supposes he can can have this breakdown outside as well as in. 

"There we go," the unicorn says, and she trots around them toward the cottage once they're outside. She doesn't avoid Andrew this time; in fact she passes so closely that he can feel the heat of her flank and the tip of her tail brushes over his arm when she flicks it. It feels like silk. 

She stops at the doorway of the cottage and leans forward, her eyes blinking closed as she presses her horn to the door. Her horn. The horse has a horn, and then that horn starts to glow just enough that Andrew can pick up on it, a subtle white that seems to shoot out where her horn meets the wood until the cottage is enveloped in that same soft glow, and then it's just gone. Poof. No more.  

"Neat," Steven whispers against Andrew's ear. He's standing behind him now, arms wrapped around Andrew's waist like he's afraid he might fall over and honestly, it's not that far off. Andrew's grateful for the support, both literal and metaphorical, as the unicorn tuns to face them. 

"If I could trouble you for a coat?" she asks. Well, not really. She's not speaking, Andrew doesn't think, he's just hearing her voice, but either way Steven pulls away from him and starts to fumble with the needlessly fancy buttons on his coat.

"Stop, you love that coat," Andrew says, and even though he feels completely absurd in doing so, he shrugs off his coat and holds it out toward the unicorn. She cocks her head and sniffs at it, and then all at once she's enveloped in the same white glow as the cabin but instead of disappearing there's suddenly a very beautiful, very naked woman in front of him.

"Oh no," Steven says, immediately turning around. Andrew finds it very endearing and he knows he should follow suit, but he's strangely frozen in place. The woman looks almost as unreal as the unicorn had; she's very pale with long, almost white blonde hair that tumbles over her shoulders and down her back. She raises an eyebrow over big, blue eyes, and Andrew blushes and almost throws his coat at her, hurrying to turn around while she shrugs it on.

"You chose right, Steven," she says. "A gentleman."

"Um, can I ask why you're a girl now?" Steven asks. He's fidgeting in place, and Andrew nudges him gently in the ribs with an elbow. Steven slings an arm around his shoulder in response, and it wasn't what we was going for but he's not going to complain. It has been an altogether weird ass couple of days, and even with everything that's changed, Steven's arm is still the same, familiar weight it's always been across his shoulders.

"Oh, sure, in a minute," the girl says, and she bounces into view, her arms spread wide as she spins. "Let a girl enjoy her moment, I've been a unicorn for so long, it's fun to have feet again."

"Sure," Steven says, as polite as ever, and Andrew tries closing his eyes and blinking them open again, just in case, but he's still here. He pinches himself. He pinches Steven, and gets poked in the ribs for it. 

"So, the curse!" the girl says after a few minutes of what Andrew can only describe as basking. "It was so long ago, I don't actually remember how long. I don't actually remember who I am, or who I was, I guess. The world was very different, but I was there, and so was she, and I guess that's all that mattered."

"She captured you?" Steven asks. "You said that, in my dream."

"She captured me, alright. I put up a hell of a fight, but she captured me. She was so mad by the end of it that it wasn't enough to drain my youth, she wanted me to suffer. I was a virgin too, so she decided I could only be free once I knew true love. This was, of course, hard to do as a unicorn. She used me for centuries, you know. Hunting down others like me. I didn't have a choice."

She's going quiet now, huddled inside of Andrew's jacket and staring down at the forest floor beneath her feet.

"I tried to help them, the others. Not just for me but for them too. I didn't want to do it."

"You helped me," Steven says, his hand toying with the fabric of Andrew's shirt. "You really did, you know. I'm happy. Even if it doesn't work and she gets me too, I'm happy. I got to have — " he breaks off, blushing, and Andrew turns his head to press a kiss to Steven's hand where it rests on his shoulder. 

"It had better work," Andrew says. "I don't even know if this is really happening, but I'm not letting some crazy lady in a cart turn you into a unicorn and take you from me and wow what am I saying?"

"He's funny, this one," the girl says to Steven. "But don't worry. It worked. I'm proof of that. It's been so long I wasn't sure it would, but it worked."

"What do you mean?" Andrew asks. "I thought you had to have true love's kiss or whatever."

"I had to know true love. You see, curses are funny things," she says, turning her face up to the sun shining down into the clearing and smiling. "There's room for interpretation and, well, you two." She gestures between them, smiling sweetly. "I helped you. And now I know love. It's your love, but I had a hunch it might still work."

"So you're free now?" Steven asks, pulling Andrew closer under his arm. "She can't get you either?"

"Oh, she can try," the girl says. "I may have spent who knows how long in the body of a unicorn, but there's not much else to do but listen. I've learned things, about the world, about myself. About love and about magic. They're basically the same thing, you know. She won't get me back."

She's looking down at her feet, and Andrew watches as she digs her toes into the grass and giggles when they sink into the mud and come out dirty. It's a weirdly small detail, mundane enough that it almost seems out of place in all the unicorn and magic nonsense. He doesn't think his brain would bother to include it, not the way it would Steven's arm snug around his shoulder. Steven's warm and solid next to Andrew, and he turns into Steven's warmth, getting chilly without his jacket. It's when he feels goosebumps form on his arms that he understands all of a sudden, just like that. 

"This is really happening," he says. "You're really here. I just watched you turn into a human from a —  from a  _ unicorn _ ," he says, just to say it out loud, just to make it real. "Wait, why could I see you? Why could Steven still see you, after?"

"You'd be surprised what can happen when you have a little faith," she says softly. She walks closer and Andrew holds his breath as she brings up a small, pale hand and cups his cheek. "Steven had faith in me, and he just needed a nudge to have faith in you. Turns out he was right."

Andrew feels, inexplicably, like he might cry, and he's not a crier. Not even at really cute cat videos. She's kind of laying him bare here, and it's not like he cares that Steven knows he's in love with him, he's just not sure —

"He loves you too," she whispers, rolling her eyes at the pair of them. "None of this would have worked if you didn't both love each other, sillies." She pats his cheek and then stretches on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Steven's forehead. 

"Thank you," she says softly. She grips his shoulders and turns him toward a break in the trees. "You two start walking, you'll get back to where and when you need to be."

"When?" Andrew asks.

"Magic," she whispers. "It won't last much longer, and what I have now won't be enough once it's over, go on."

"What about you?" Steven asks. "You don't even have on shoes. Let us help you, we can take you with us when we get back, get you settled somewhere."

"I'll be fine," she assures him. "I've been a wild thing in captivity for a very long time. I think I'd just like to be free for a while."

"Wait, what's your name?" Andrew calls after as she heads into the forest. Steven's sniffling quietly at his side, and it seems important to know. Something to hold on to. 

"You know, I can't seem to remember?" she says. "Oh, what fun! I wonder what it's going to be?"

She turns and waves at them, her fingers seeming to flutter with that same white light as before, and before he knows it his feet are propelling him to the break in the trees, Steven right beside him. When they reach the very edge of the clearing his feet start to move on their own again, and almost as one he and Steven both turn to look back.

The girl is gone, and so is the clearing, nothing but the same tall, thick trees behind them as in front of them.

-

They walk in a daze in the direction they were told, and Andrew has to reluctantly let go of Steven once they get into the thicker trees. He tries to stop himself from reaching out to grab onto his hand every chance he gets, and after about the tenth time he huffs out a laugh at himself, catching Steven's hand and pulling him to a stop.

"We should keep going," Steven says. "It feels like we're supposed to keep going, right?"

"It does," Andrew agrees. He feels it too, a weird force that seems to pull at his feet and make his legs ache if he stands still too long. "We will, but slow down for just a second, okay?" He leans up and brushes a soft kiss to Steven's lips, letting his eyes blink closed when Steven makes a quiet noise against his mouth and kisses back, pushing closer.

"Couldn't wait," Andrew tells him when he finally pulls back, and he's rewarded with a sweet smile and then an eye roll from Steven. 

"Come on," Steven says. "My legs hurt, and we walked at least a few miles yesterday, there's still so far to go." 

"I know," Andrew says, giving his hand a squeeze and then starting forward again, the ache in his legs immediately starting to ease once he's moving again. "I hope whatever magic nonsense is going on, it's fixed our car."

"I just hope there's more bread in the car," Steven says wistfully. "A whole car load of that bread."

"You really loved that bread, huh?" Andrew says, grinning at Steven's back. 

"Oh yeah, best part of this entire experience by far," Steven says, laughing and darting away when Andrew swats at his shoulder. "Fine, fine! Second best," he says, turning to grin at Andrew. "It's close, though."

"Yeah?" Andrew asks. "I can think of some things that might secure me that top spot, you know."

"Like what?" Steven asks, and he's walking backwards now, which is a very bad idea, but Andrew also can't seem to help himself from stepping closer, caging Steven in against a particularly thick clump of trees until his back hits the bark.

"I could tell you," Andrew says, grabbing Steven's hips and holding him in place. He's spent a solid hour or so now walking behind Steven, just staring at his shoulders and the dip of his waist and the swell of his ass, and, well. It was easier to think about various filthy things than to process what the fuck had just happened.

"I'm waiting," Steven says, and he's looking down at Andrew with big eyes, his lips parted just enough to seem like an obvious invitation.

"I think it'd be more fun to show you," he says, kissing up the long line of Steven's neck. "Hands on learning."

"I'm —  oh," Steven gasps when Andrew sucks at the skin beneath his ear. "I'm an excellent student, you know."

"I bet you are," Andrew says, shifting closer, and it's a very bad idea to start something he can't finish right now but his brain has disengaged from everything but his most base urges, it seems. Right now his basest urge is telling him to press his thigh up between Steven's and slide his hands down to grab Steven's ass, and who is he to disagree?

"We should keep going," Steven gasps against his mouth. 

"I agree," Andrew says, and he's reaching for Steven's zipper when suddenly the entire world shifts around him and Steven's falling backwards, taking Andrew with him. 

All he can see is a blur of green whirling around him, and then they hit the ground, hard. He lands half on top of Steven and half in a ditch full of muddy water that immediately soaks through his shoes. 

"What the hell happened," he groans, lifting himself off of Steven. "Are you okay, did I hurt you? Did you hit your head? Steven, hey," he says, waving his hand in front of Steven's face. He's staring behind Andrew, wide eyed, and he finally blinks and raises his hand to grab Andrew's jaw, turning his head. 

"I think she got impatient," he says, and sure enough they've landed in a field, far away from any trees that he can see, their lurid yellow rental car sticking out like a sore thumb a few yards away.

"Whoa," Andrew says, and then, "wait, did she put me in the ditch on purpose?"

"You were kind of distracting us from the goal," Steven says, standing on shaky legs and offering Andrew a hand. He also feels a bit dizzy, and also… wobbly is the only word that comes to mind. His legs feel wobbly, and so does his brain, like his body is still catching up with where it's at.

"You were letting yourself be distracted and you didn't end up in a ditch," Andrew grumps, wincing as his feet squelch inside of his shoes. 

"You're such a baby," Steven says fondly. "Come on, it's not that far to the car, then you can take your shoes off." He presses a kiss to Andrew's forehead that, admittedly, does make him feel slightly less grumpy, even with wet feet.

-

"Andrew, look at this," Steven says, holding out his phone. They're sitting on the hood of the car, Andrew's shoes drying on the side of the road. Steven gave Andrew his socks, which his brain keeps trying to find weirdly romantic against his better judgement. 

"Do you have service?" Andrew asks, fumbling for his own phone in his pocket.

"No, but look, it still says it's yesterday." It does, the display tells him it's yesterday and only about 20 minutes after their car had broken down.

"Maybe the rain messed with it?" he asks, looking down at his own phone. "Maybe it messed with both of our phones?" he tries.

"It also messed with the GPS which was inside of the dry car then," Steven says. 

"When," Andrew says, suddenly remembering. "She said we'd get back to where and when we needed to be. Great. Now I've got to add time travel to the list of things I have to mentally reconcile about this whole thing."

"That's your reaction?" Steven asks. "Seriously? A unicorn saved me from an evil witch using magic, I lost my virginity, we broke an evil curse, and now we've travelled backward in time and you're  _ annoyed _ about it?"

"I'm only annoyed about some of it," Andrew says, pulling Steven to stand closer between his legs. "The sex part is the only reason I'm bothering to reconcile the rest of it. I could just insist we both hit our heads and have been wandering in a fugue state where we just so happened to have the same really vivid hallucination."

"You sure you don't want to include the sex stuff that in the vivid hallucination?" Steven's trying to sound light, trying to make it a joke, but Andrew sees right through it.

"Nope," he says simply. "No getting rid of me now."

"Yeah?" Steven asks, looking at him hopefully. 

"Yeah." Andrew leans in to kiss him, then, because Steven's pressed up between his legs and looking at him sweet and vulnerable, and besides, what else is there to do? He's definitely not leaving the car again, who knows what might happen. Maybe a robot from the future will need their help to defeat dinosaurs, at this rate. When he thinks about it, making out with Steven on the hood of an expensive sports car in the middle of the road is the responsible thing to do.

Kissing Steven like this is starting to become familiar. He starts off frantic and hurried but lets Andrew slow him down, lets him guide them into something more sustainable than frantic making out and grinding. Not that he's opposed to the idea, but Andrew's always liked to take his time and also it's probably not the best idea to have sex in broad daylight on top of a car, no matter how alone they happen to be at the moment.

As if on cue, Andrew hears a rumbling. At first he thinks it's his own heartbeat or maybe the little noises Steven's making against his mouth, but as it gets closer he realizes what he's hearing and reluctantly pulls away.

"Come back," Steven says, trying to follow his lips.

"Steven, sweetheart," he tries, shoving at his shoulder. "Someone's coming."

"No, not yet," Steven says, nuzzling at his jaw and sliding his hand hesitantly up Andrew's thigh. "But — "

"No," Andrew says, laughing. "I mean there's a car coming."

"Oh!" Steven flushes and jumps back, but it's probably too late. The car is now close enough that Andrew recognizes it as their other rental, and he can see Adam behind the wheel.

Andrew tries his level best not to blush, and tugs the scarf around his neck more firmly into place. Even if he hadn't seen them kissing, the hickeys are kind of hard to miss.

"Adam!" Steven yells brightly the second Adam's out of the SUV. "Adam, we're so glad to see you. Look, the car broke down, I guess you were right that it was a bad idea, also I think we may have gotten lost but we've just been here, the whole time, waiting. Sitting and waiting. Right here."

"Uh huh," Adam says, raising an eyebrow. Andrew's trying to avoid eye contact as casually as possible which he has a feeling just makes it even more obvious. "How did you end up going in the complete wrong direction in the first place?"

"The GPS messed up," Steven says. "Wacky, right, technology?" Andrew winces. Steven is really not good at playing it cool. Andrew doesn't know why he ever thought he would be.

"How late are we?" he asks, hopping down from the hood to collect his shoes. "I stepped in a puddle, I wouldn't mind getting cleaned up if there's time."

"You can clean up in their bathroom," Adam says, eyeing him suspiciously. "I'm not letting you two go off on another sex detour."

Steven makes a sound that's more dying bird than human.

"Good one, Adam," Andrew says loudly, shooting him a glare. "Let's get back on the road before we're any later, we can call the rental place from the restaurant to get the car."

"Yeah," Adam says. "We can all take this one back, but it might be a tight fit. Thoughts on that?"

"I'm hungry!" Steven proclaims. "Those are my thoughts, can't wait for some stew!" He throws Andrew a helpless look and hurries to the SUV. Well, maybe scurries is a more accurate term, but either way he's still standing shoeless in the middle of the road with Adam staring him down.

"What?" he snaps.

"Nothing," Adam says, grinning. Andrew gives him another pointed glare, and he's halfway to the SUV when Adam calls after him, "Nice scarf, Romeo."

-

"That was, by far, the best stew I've ever had," Steven enthuses to the camera. They're filming the wrap up in the low lit dining room of the restaurant, and everyone is full and warm and Andrew and Steven are both two glasses of wine in. Just enough that Andrew keeps having to stop himself from swaying into Steven. Steven looks good in candle light. Almost as good as he'd looked in the weak light of the lantern back in the cottage, occasionally lit up silver and beautiful from the lightning, and-

"Andrew," Adam says, loud enough that it cuts through his idle sexy thoughts. "What about you? Any thoughts that don't involve staring deeply into Steven's eyes?"

Andrew flips off the camera halfway through the sentence so Adam can't use it, and then snaps himself out of it.

"Great stew," he says. "You could taste how fresh everything was, and how much love went into it. It was hearty, and warm, real stick to your ribs stuff that makes you think of home no matter where home is."

"Yeah," Steven says, slapping his shoulder. "Yeah, exactly!"

"In fact," Andrew says, giving the camera a raised eyebrow. "I'd even say it was stewpendous."

"Boo," Steven says, giggling.

"It's put me into a stewpor." 

"Terrible!" Steven says, throwing his arm around Andrew's shoulder and pulling him in. "Really, some of your worst work."

"I mean, hey, those are just my stew cents on the matter."

"The  _ worst _ ," Steven says, shaking his head and beaming at Andrew.

“I don’t know, I’d say we’re stew of a kind.”

"Okay, you two," Adam says. "That's enough of the puns, and you're also cut off from wine. Let's talk about the sides. Give me sound bites about the bread, it was great."

"Good bread," Andrew says, not bothering to move from under Steven's arm. "Not the best I've ever had, but up there."

"Yeah," Steven agrees. "Top five, but not number one."

"Where did we have better bread?" Adam asks, lowering the camera which means he's actually curious.

"You weren't there," Steven says, taking the opportunity of not being filmed to rest his head on Andrew's shoulder. "It would have been weird if you were."

"It was already pretty weird," Andrew points out, tightening his grip on Steven's thigh under the table. Steven's a lightweight, and he doesn't want to get into any uncomfortable conversations while they're still being hovered over by the world's nicest little old lady, filling bowls for the crew who hadn't gotten to eat yet.

"Well where was it?" Adam asks. "You know I love bread."

"Adam, trust me, you wouldn't believe us if we told you," Andrew says as Steven seems to give up all pretense of camera-appropriate touching and curls his free arm around Andrew's waist. 

"He's right," Steven says sleepily. "It's truly  _ bunbelievable _ ."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Bee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beethechange/) for the beta, and [Bessy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo) for helping me answer the age old question of, "How do you solve a problem like Ilnyckyj?"
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](https://aspookycryptidsock.tumblr.com/), if that's your thing!


End file.
